I bought a yoga ball the other day, to replace my chair with. I had heard they are good for posture, core strength, and kind of fun. So I got it, and I noticed on the box it was labeled “Burst Resistant” and I simultaneously thought “Awesome” and “Fooey”. Because I have the ability to think many things at the same time, which does get a little confusing.???
So when I got home and inflated it with the handy dandy little air pump that came in the box, I was overcome with the smell of the thing. I mean, it didn’t smell bad or anything, but just weird mix of rubber, mothballs, and something else. I suspect the makers package it with the gym smell pre-imbedded, so people who buy them for installation in a workout area aren’t wierded out by something that doesn’t smell terrible. In short, it’s a blast to sit on when doing anything, and I recommend it to anyone who sits at a desk for an extended period of time. I never knew that sitting down could be so exhausting. You can bounce on it, roll around, topple off it hilariously and giggle in a heap afterward. I’m not saying I did that, but I can vouch that it’s possible.
Then, while rummaging around my closet the other day, I spied the box the ball came in. The “Burst Resistant” labeling stood out at me again, and as I stared at the box, for about 10 minutes (I can neither confirm nor deny mind altering substances were in use) I took it as a challenge. “Alright, Bally Total Fitness 75 centimeter exercise ball,” I muttered, “we’ll see about this.” I threw a book at it, which bounced back onto my foot, which hurt. It was a big book.
And from there I began to whale on the damn thing. When before I would absently bounce up and down when watching TV or writing or surfing the Internets, now I began to bounce as high as I could. I began to use it as a large soccer ball. Incidentally, it’s amazing how far the ball bounces, and how much destruction it can cause. In a short time I had broken a light, a small terra cotta warrior, three glasses, and nearly knocked my TV off the box it sits on like eight times. I’ve thrown it out the window a couple times, but all that happened there was I hit a bird on the bounce, which was kind of impressive. I’ve contemplated poking it with stuff, but that feels like cheating, right? I feel like only concussive force can be used in this “science” quest. But the damn thing continues to not break. I am impressed with these Bally’s people. I must call their scientists, because this strangely scented polymer they’ve made the ball out of is seemingly invincible. Maybe a fat guy could help me.
I’ve tried rolling over sharp stuff, because that’s just incidental action when it comes to rolling around, but the thing is amazing in its resiliency. I even used it as a weapon against my little brother, but again its bounciness struck back at me, hitting me in the belly. Perhaps if I knew karate, I could chop it in half. But alas, I don’t have the time to spend years in the Orient learning from the Shaolin masters. I have a yoga ball to pop. I hit it with a hammer a couple times, but nothing. Really, I am at the end of my rope. I’ve been throwing playing cards at it the last couple hours in hopes paper cuts will wear away at it, but so far nothing. Maybe if we lived somewhere near trains, I could put it on a train track. But I have a sneaking suspicion it would just make the train derail, and I’d be back to square one. Maybe even square zero, because I’d have to deal with a derailed train.
If you have suggestions for me, email them to firstname.lastname@example.org. Together we can find success, and kick this stupid, core solidifying, good time creating, son of a bitch back to where it came from, or at least assert our dominance as human beings over it. I’ll not be stopped by this inanimate object. I’m better than that. Maybe I’ll try running it over with my car.
“The greatest charity is opportunity. Because with opportunity comes the ability to give opportunity.” – Don King
Mainstream science is now recognizing the existence of parallel realities. Can we change realities by shifting our intention?
This video suggests a model of six dimensions of reality that explain the power of focus to heal illness and extends to a shift in planetary consciousness to heal the world.
A couple months back I watched A Law Abiding Citizen, with Gerard Butler and Jamie Foxx. Butler plays a character whose wife and daughter are raped and murdered by a couple of criminals during a home invasion, then he exacts a disturbingly brutal revenge on them after they were sentenced to only a couple years of prison. He also focuses his vengeance on the system that let them get out early, meaning the judge, arresting officers, prosecutors, etc., killing them in cinematically spectacular fashion apparently you learn he was an assassin for the Defense Department who used complex techniques to kill Taliban, Al Qaeda, whatever the enemy du jour was for the US government. Foxx is the prosecutor from the case that got a plea bargain so as not to fuck up his conviction record in court, so he could be more electable as district attorney, or mayor or something. In all, a fantastic movie, but something bothered me about it, or at least triggered neurons in my brain to start firing. I didn’t really have a grasp on it till recently, which made that movie much more eye-opening when seen like that. Without getting too wordy right off the bat, the character Butler plays in that movie is an embodiment of popular disgust with the system as its set up now, sort of the Tea Party prior to its astroturfing by the right wing, with Foxx as the Obama character, the one trying to make it right and get Butler to stop what he’s doing. It’s a movie not unlike Network, somebody snapped and said “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
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